No one warned you your 30s would feel like this

You wake up already behind.

The alarm buzzes, you hit snooze twice, and by the time you drag yourself up, your brain is already racing. 

One hand on your toothbrush, the other scrolling through emails, trying to figure out how you’re late before the day has even started.

Work isn’t bad. It just isn’t good either.

You sit in meetings replaying something you said yesterday that came out wrong, while also debating if you should speak up more today. You stay quiet. And later, you beat yourself up for it.

By mid-afternoon, you grab another coffee, not because you need caffeine but because your body feels sluggish. Kind of like your mind.

Evenings aren’t much better.

You cancel the workout you promised yourself you’d go to. You say you’ll relax, but you don’t.

Instead, you’re half-scrolling Instagram, half-texting, half-watching Netflix, with your mom on speakerphone in the background. 

Somehow doing everything, but not really present for any of it.

Then suddenly it’s Friday night.

You try to make your weekend count. Brunch, errands, maybe a night out… but it all evaporates so fast. Then Sunday night is already here, and you’re dreading the week ahead.

You thought your 30s would be better. 

But everything just feels… meh.

If anyone met you, they’d think you had it together. 

Impressive job. Great apartment. Maybe a solid relationship.

But the reality?

You’re brutal with yourself.

You assume everyone else has it figured out and you’re the one who’s behind. 

You compare yourself constantly—who’s getting married, who’s buying, who’s getting promoted—and wonder what’s wrong with you.

You don’t let most people see this side. 

You carry yourself like you’ve got it together, until you’ve had more than two drinks, and then the truth slips out.

The frustration, the second-guessing, the quiet dread you’ve been swallowing.

You already tried to fix it

You don’t like feeling this way, and you’ve already done the things everyone says should help.

You're not sitting around waiting for life to get better. You've been working on this. 

• You bought the designer handbag, expensive skincare, the little “treat yourself” fixes that give you a lift for a week or two. Until they don’t. 

• You redecorated your apartment, Pinterest-worthy and perfect, hoping a fresh space would shift something inside.

• You splurged on the Peloton or the Equinox all-access membership, hoping momentum in your body would create momentum in your life.

And when the surface stuff didn't work, you went deeper.

• You bought the self-help books. (Some are still sitting half-read on your nightstand.)

• You deleted and re-downloaded the dating apps, swiping at midnight—or if you're in a relationship, wondered at 2am if you're with the right person.

• You joined the women’s networking group, or got matched with a mentor, but felt awkward, questioning if you had anything meaningful to contribute.

• You planned the 'reset' vacation, but spent it managing everyone else or racing through a packed itinerary.

And it wasn't just surface-level attempts. You made real investments too.

• You show up for therapy every week. It gives you insight, but sometimes feels like you're circling the same problems without a tangible way forward.

• Work paired you with an executive coach. You worked on executive presence, speaking with conviction. Helpful at work, but the deeper unease remained.

• You’ve earned the promotions, chasing the validation that maybe this will finally make you feel better.

• On the hardest nights, you’ve daydreamed about starting over—new job, new city, new friends—just to feel different.

And when none of it worked the way you hoped? 

You poured a third glass of wine, scrolled Instagram until midnight, and told yourself you're probably just being dramatic. That you should just suck it up.

But the "meh" is still there.

Of course you tried all that

You’re smart. You’re driven. You’ve always been the one who figures things out.

And honestly? None of those attempts were wrong. 

They all made sense. You were doing exactly what you’ve been taught:

Buy the thing.
Book the trip.
Reflect more.
Find your why.
Go to therapy.
Get the promotion.
Seek mentorship.

That’s the playbook. Following it doesn’t make you weak or a follower—it makes you rational. Normal.

I know, because I did it too.

At 33, I left Goldman after 8 years to become a chef, thinking a bold career change would fix everything.

For a while, it did. I felt alive again.

Until slowly the same fog crept back in. 

Because here’s the truth: those fixes aren’t enough.

Here’s why those attempts didn’t work 

They’re piecemeal.

A spark here, a jolt there, but the fog always comes back.

Because your “meh” isn’t about just one thing.

It’s about how your entire life fits together. And when you only tweak one piece, the rest of it doesn’t fall into place.

And here’s what makes it even harder: no one really talks about this decade. 

People talk about your 20s and 40s. But the 30s? Almost skipped over.

What's missing is a voice from someone who's lived through the confusion of her 30s and come out the other side, seeing them clearly—not as wasted years, but as the most pivotal decade.

That's why I coach women in their 30s, especially those in finance, where the pressure to 'have it together' is relentless.

Because looking back, I see my own 30s for what they really were: the first time life demanded full ownership.

And that’s what’s happening for you. 

Your 30s aren’t a problem—they’re pivotal. 

The decade where the questions get louder, the pressure gets heavier, and the shortcuts stop working.

If no one warned you about that? No wonder it feels confusing.

So if you’ve been feeling stuck, heavy, or quietly disappointed, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. 

It means your life is asking you to throw out the old playbook.

What if this confusion isn’t failure but a turning point?

Think about it:

You have more independence, money, and self-awareness than ever before.

But also more responsibility. More decisions. More pressure.

Marriage (or not). Kids (or not). Career leaps. Buying a home. Supporting your parents. Your body changing.

The stakes are higher. The noise is louder.

Of course it feels heavier.

That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. 

It means this decade is demanding something different from you. 

It’s the first time you can’t just push harder, check the next box, and expect it to all click into place.

The 30s are the turning point.

The decade where you either keep chasing quick fixes, hoping it magically gets better, or you zoom out and start playing a different game.

Your 30s demand a new game 

The old game is chasing fixes.

Thinking the new job, new relationship, new city, new apartment, new promotion will be the thing.

Of course you’ve done that.

That’s the same approach that made you successful: see the problem, fix it, move on.

But this isn’t a problem you can fix with one move.

The new game is different. 

It's seeing your life as a whole. Putting words to what you've been feeling. Understanding why your 30s feel this way so you stop blaming yourself and start moving with confidence.

Because until you understand why this “meh” feeling shows up, you’ll keep trying to solve the wrong problems.

You don’t need another 6 months of journaling, overthinking, or numbing out. You deserve better than that.

If you've been saying 'yes' in your head this whole time...

I've been exactly where you are.

And I've put together something that I wish had existed when I was in the thick of my 30s, trying to figure out why nothing felt right.

The Confusing 30s Email Series: No-fluff insight for 30-something women in finance navigating that quiet sense something's off.

These aren't your typical "5 tips to feel better" emails.

Think of them as your daily companion—like hearing from a big sister who went through exactly what you're going through and made it to the other side.

Someone who gets the specific pressure of working at a place like Goldman. Who understands what it's like to look successful on paper but feel lost underneath.

You might even find yourself reading them first thing in the morning while brushing your teeth and thinking, “omg, this is written exactly for me.”—that’s what a 30-something VP at Goldman actually told me.

By the end of the week, you’ll feel lighter. Relieved. Seen. Understood.

Not because I have all the answers or you’ll have fixed everything, but because you’ll finally understand why you've been stuck and where to begin.

Not with another piecemeal fix, but with a clear view of your whole life.

From that point on, your changes will carry more weight because they’ll come from awareness, not desperation.

You’ll have more agency. 

You’ll start living your 30s intentionally instead of drifting through them.

I’m confident that’s what you want too.

You've been feeling this way long enough—it's time to understand why and where to start.

So, here’s your next step. 

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